Clara, a young happily married woman has a dream job in a blue chip company. One of the things she had going for her apart from being extremely attractive was her competence and diligence. Her life was the perfect picture as far as she was concerned, until she was transferred to another department. It was not the job description that was her problem, it was the chemistry that existed between her and her new boss. John was suave, witty, intelligent and good looking. Clara did not feel she had a problem with her husband until John who was a more mature and experienced man began to shower her with compliments and attention. Initially, Clara was in control but after a while, she looked forward to the time they had together and she began to dress up deliberately to suit his taste. The seemingly innocent friendship became a secret smile here, more intense conversations and a flirtatious touch there.  Clara is a Christian and she has increasingly become uncomfortable with the way things are heating up between her and her boss. Her thoughts are: When does this heart affair become adultery? What exactly is adultery? What are its causes and consequences?

Without doubt, the beginning of a blissful marriage is obedience to God from the start. Unfortunately, many Christians disobey God in the choice of a life partner and so start their marriage on a faulty foundation. Those who have disobeyed God by refusing to heed the scriptural injunction not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14) have often had sorry tales to tell. As the Bible states, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3)

The truth is, you cannot marry someone who does not share the same values and beliefs with you and expect him to play by your rules—the rules of the Bible. But if you have already made that mistake, do not give up; there is still hope. You can ask God for mercy and receive the grace to relate appropriately with your spouse and provide the needed leadership in the home. Much more, you can ask God to touch his or her heart so that he or she will come to the same side with you. 

Remember, leadership in marriage comprises two people – the man and the woman. On a broader scale, however, it comprises the whole family because even the children have a role to play in this leadership setting. Part of their role will include helping their parents to function effectively by submitting to their authority. In some African settings, older children are delegated some responsibilities over their younger ones. In that regard, the leadership in the home is broad based; it involves everybody.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

“…for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

God always seeks to help, particularly where His creation is concerned. In life there will always be challenges; anyone who claims otherwise is living in denial. However, these challenges are nothing but steppingstones to greater heights for a child of God. Things become easier when you know who is with you.

The truth is, making marriage work is not so difficult; knowing you are not alone makes it even easier. One reason many people struggle in their marriages is because they want to do things alone forgetting that they are now in a covenant relationship.

With the men, it is natural to want to be assertive because they have the masculine ego to protect. And, honestly speaking, there is nothing wrong with ego. However, when it is driven too far, it becomes pride and that is when it is a problem. Consider a kindergarten setting, the boys always try to take control more than the girls do or else they want to throw tantrums to get attention. This is why affirmation is very important for the psychological development of every child.

There is overwhelming evidence that a stable marriage and family environment is a solid base for career and business success. A beautiful relationship with your spouse enhances your creativity and productivity. No matter how successful you are in the workplace, some instability in the home will directly or indirectly impinge on your progress and overall wellbeing. That is why it is important that you do all you can to ensure the peace and stability of your home.

The divine injunction is to follow peace with all men (Hebrews 12:14). And that will necessarily have to start with your immediate family – your spouse and children. As the Bible states, “Blessed are the peacemakers…” (Matthew 5:9 NKJV). No matter who is right or who is wrong, there is always a reward for those who make peace. In this case, part of that reward is stability in your home.

The famous author and speaker Zig Ziglar in his book, Courtship After Marriage, talks about four independent studies sampling successful and highly paid executives. One study included 1,139 CEOs with an average annual income of $356,000. These men (and some women) were found to share some similar qualities. Top on these lists of qualities are related to stable marriage and family life.