“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

“…for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

God always seeks to help, particularly where His creation is concerned. In life there will always be challenges; anyone who claims otherwise is living in denial. However, these challenges are nothing but steppingstones to greater heights for a child of God. Things become easier when you know who is with you.

The truth is, making marriage work is not so difficult; knowing you are not alone makes it even easier. One reason many people struggle in their marriages is because they want to do things alone forgetting that they are now in a covenant relationship.

With the men, it is natural to want to be assertive because they have the masculine ego to protect. And, honestly speaking, there is nothing wrong with ego. However, when it is driven too far, it becomes pride and that is when it is a problem. Consider a kindergarten setting, the boys always try to take control more than the girls do or else they want to throw tantrums to get attention. This is why affirmation is very important for the psychological development of every child.

It is for this reason that respect (mutual respect) is key to fostering peace in the home. Men in particular feed on respect as if their lives depend on it. A wise woman will not starve her husband of it. Just like a wise man would not starve his wife of the necessary affection and endearing words.

However, no matter how huge the man’s ego is, realizing he is not the beginning and the end of all things will make him see life differently. This, of course, will lead to less friction in his marriage.

Leadership in the home is so set out in the Bible that makes baseless argument over it. Why do you think that God will direct His instruction on headship of the home to the woman. The reason is, I believe, her consent is needed. And you want to know why, its because God is dealing with two leaders, and the only way two leaders can work together in a team is for one to submit to the other.

The leadership of a home is defined in the union by the man and the woman. And in that leadership, the headship must be agreed by both parties. The agreement is set out in the Bible, the woman should submit to her husband and the man should love his wife like Christ loves the Church,(ready to die for her) creating a balance except you want to disregard God’s word.

Some may ask, what if my husband is an unbeliever ? You should not have married an unbeliever in the first place but where you were married before you became believers, the Bible still expects you to submit to him.

So submission to ones husband itself is first an act of submission to God who gave the instruction and so an act of obedience. If so, it is then a divine force that gets things done easily. In the same way, loving one’s wife is also an act of obedience to God.

An example is found in the words of Peter in 1st Peter 3 where he states that that quiet submission can quietly lead the man to his salvation. And you will understand that the power to save a man’s soul is greater than any other in the whole world.

Also, considering the fact that the home is the crucible for raising the next generation of leaders, it becomes all the more important that the leadership in the home, comprising the man and the woman, play their individual roles adequately to enhance divine purpose. But where there is a misfortune of either of them not being present, for any reason, God in His infinite mercy will fill the gap for the children.

According to Zig Ziglar, many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. Synergy is achieved when both of them identify their roles and function adequately.  

Concluding, the common phrases “If you love me, I will submit or how can I love an unsubmissive woman” are therefore unscriptural. In fact, that is gross disobedience to the Word of God as there is nowhere in the Bible that says you should submit to your husband only when you are loved or love your wife only when she submits. Your role as a husband or wife has no condition attached to it. Are you a married woman? Simply submit. Are you a married man? Simply love your wife i.e consideration for your wife in all you do is non-negotiable.

Remember, you are both the leaders of your home today and you stand as the head of a whole generation of descendants who themselves will be greater leaders of the future. Therefore, you cannot afford to fail and you will not in Jesus name.