Tope still couldn’t believe it was going to be her colleague - Mrs Adeyemi’s thirty-two years wedding anniversary. How did people manage to stay married that long? Given, Mrs Adeyemi got married early but Tope wondered if she was always happy. She had only been married for ten years most of which she has only been enduring.

Year after year, there were usually issues that has to do with children, finances, career, in-laws, hobbies, etc that most times put strain on her marriage.

On Deji’s part, Tope seemed to have changed a lot from the sweet easy-going, beautiful girl he married to an ever-nagging wife. Every opportunity to get out of the house was the best for him. Although he believed that one day things will get better between him and his wife, he had no idea when that would be.

When Tope asked the old couple during the celebration what had been their secret, she was surprised that it had to do with the everyday little gestures towards one’s spouse. That night these are the following secrets she learnt:

• Keep sex alive: Sex, has been discovered to be a challenging area in most marriages. While it could be spontaneous for some people especially for men, it is not so for most women. If this be this case, then plan for it. It may not sound as romantic to one partner but may just be what is needed to keep the union striving.

• Laugh about everything; it also keeps you healthy.

• Talk about anything and all, it leaves the skeleton out of the cupboard

• Keep third party away; it’s really not healthy telling your spouse ‘best friend’ or sibling about what they did wrong and thinking they would ‘help’ you ‘talk’ to your partner. It works better if the two of you would work on settling your dispute alone.

• Argue but don’t win! Misunderstandings are not so that we could prove a point and see why who is wrong or not. Don’t argue because you want to win, when you do argue, do so because you want to understand each other better. Give up if you notice that the argument is heading towards a rock.

• Forgive and forget. Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die. Forgiveness is the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do for someone else. Really, sometimes one thinks the other partner does not deserve to be forgiven for a ‘grievous’ offense. See it this way; you too could be the offender. It’s not easy if not impossible to forget when someone hurts you but you can ‘deliberately’ decide to put it off your memory.

• Make sacrifice. Most times try seeing situations through the eyes of your spouse. It mustn’t be what you want all the time. Give up something you would have wanted so badly so they could have it. You will find satisfaction in their being happy. For once let your spouse make the choice for the both of you and enjoy it.

• Use the magic words.

Think again. Have you ever said something to your spouse and wished you never said such a thing?

God will help you make your marriage what you truly desire.

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